OUCH!

i KNOW. i have been utterly busy this whole 6 months. That is why i am not going to apologize to anyone regarding my long long absence. anyway what do u expect me to be other than busy, eh? i was in my first term of medical, i was still getting accustomed to the hectic schedules of a med students and it was pretty hard for me to shift my old-high-school-oh-tomorrow's-exam-lets-study-overnight habit into a okay-it's-2-weeks-before-exam-now-lets-read-the-references one. but then no one ever said that changing a habit is as easy as flipping your goddamn palm. NO ONE!

so habit DOES change afterall.

anyway.

i just received my GPA result for this term. lala. at first i was like, er okay whatever it will be will be, i did my best, bla bla bla and so the self reassurance goes on and on. But when the 'transkrip nilai' was actually in My own hand, like i'm actually holding it, and looking at the marks, i went like DAMN I COULD'VE DONE BETTER DAMN DAMN. i could not control myself. I saw a BIG FAT STUPID 'C' just lay there innocently. I wish i could erase a printed paper. But i couldn't. Then i tried to find the 'brightside' out of the thing. well my GPA's a 3pointers, 3,78 to be exact. And it was okay i guess, u know, it is quite high and satisfying to me already.

IM NOT JOKING okay? u can see it right here,

and then a fact struck me. So the 'C' thing was an OSCE exam in which i was actually failing. So if i get a remed and the 'C' turns into an 'A' then my GPA will be..... a 4?

oh god no.

and the bad news is i KNOW that my remed is going to be an 'A' cause it's already an 'A' even when i failed.

I really don't know if i'm supposed to be happy or sad. But the of course i'm going to be HAPPY like hell yeah i got a 4 tats HUGE whoa wohoo party. but that just it.

to me getting a 4 is a BIG RESPONSIBILITY. It's like having 2 big heavy STONES tied on my shoulder, carrying them everywhere i go. It is quite a BURDEN for me. People will think "man this kid got a 4 he must be a darn genius" HELLO IM NOT GENIUS. u guys can take out my brain and put it next to Einstein's or Rizky's and the difference will be OBVIOUS. Simply put, it means that i CANNOT let myself stray away next term. Like i have to focus and do my real best so that i can maintain my GPA a forever-4, cause if i don't..... im going to jump off a cliff covered in agony and sorrow.

well, goodluck for me, cause i REALLY REALLY need it.